"My own name must be lost in their litanies, too."

1. Adderal girl
2. The Albatross
3. Army boy
4. Asian Jesus
5. Bob Dylan
6. BYU boy
7. BYU boy's girlfriend
8. Chauvinist
9. Closeted lesbian
10. Creepy cabby
11. Creepy Ukrainian
12. Cultural Studies major
13. Dane Cook lookalike
14. Djarum Lights
15. Dog reincarnated as human
16. E-tard
17. The Economist
18. Egocentric Eccentric
19. Egocentric Eccentric's roommate
20. Elijah Woods on drugs
21. Estella
22. Faceless quasi hipster
23. Fake tits
24. First Love
25. First Love, female version
26. 502
27. Florida kid
28. Forceful hippie
29. Girl in bikini
30. Goldschlagger breath
31. Goldschlagger's friend
32. Goldschlagger's other friend
33. Gypsy poet
34. Gypsy poet 2.0
35. Herpes carrier
36. Herpes carrier's roommate
37. "I hate you." boy
38. Incest cousin
39. Kandy Kid
40. Kandy Kid's girlfriend
41. Kansas babe
42. Lima club kid 1
43. Lima club kid 2
44. Lip-rapist
45. Lip-rapist's friend
46. Spaceship asshole
47. Mini Chilean
48. My best friend
49. My best friend's girlfriend
50. My best friend's little brother
51. My neighbor
52. Native American
53. Post-bro
54. Popped collar bro
55. Ranchero
56. 17 year old homosexual male
57. Sex kitten
58. Sloppy lesbian
59. Spiderman
60. Statutory peruana
61. Threesome girl
62. Tree house boy
63. Turkish Jedi
64. 24 year old 17 year old
65. 24 year old 27 year old
66. Twin
67. Utah County hipster king
68. Vegan punk
69. Weiner party woman

1; 4; 12; 14; 21; 27; 37-40; 49; 64; 66; 68.
Friendly kisses.
"Laney," I began a drunken confession, "kissing girls is kind of fun when you're drunk."
"Oh," she said nodding, "absolutely."
"Want to make out?"
"Okay." And in the back of the Avalon, in between heckling the band, we kissed for a sloppy minute, laughed, and continued our conversation.

2; 15; 26; 28; 35-36; 45; 47; 53.
Boring/appalling kisses.
"Oh my god. Alright. You have to leave," I said impatiently. "You're being too loud. Bianca is pissed."
"Sorry. I'll be quiet! I swear," he said sheepishly. But I was bored and disgusted by his lip ring.
"No. You need to go home now."
"I won't."
"You will," I said as I pushed him off the couch.

22; 29; 54; 61.
Mindless kisses.
"I like your jacket," he told me before we found an alley to kiss in. I don't remember what else he told me. I don't remember his face.

3; 20; 34; 46; 52; 55; 63; 67.
Twelve hour relationship kisses.
While chain smoking in the park, he took another swig of vodka and told me about his friend's fatal overdose. I held his hand, and we cried together like lovers. We made it to my mom's basement, made out and passed out. The next day I drove him home and never saw him again.

5; 8; 17; 33; 51.
Extended alcohol-induced relationship kisses.
"Do you want to be my 'significant other?'" the Poet slurred.
"Yes. I'd love to," I said, gazing at him with heavy eyelids.
We had met a few nights ago, under equally hazy circumstances. Our relationship lasted for a belligerent month.

6-7; 42-43; 56.
Intentionally debaucherous kisses.
There's a distinct pleasure that comes from partaking in debauchery with a boy who used to bless the sacrament every Sunday. "Alex," I laughed as he took off my shirt, "we went to Sunday school together!"

10-11; 44; 65.
Horrifying kisses.
We kissed. He unzipped his pants. Minutes later he told me to slip off my tights. I looked him in the eyes and realized that I was with a 26 year old Ukrainian man, next to a dumpster behind a bar. "I have to leave now," I said with horror.
"Can I have your number?"
"No," I didn't look back. "Bye."

16; 18-19; 23; 30-32; 48; 50; 58; 60; 62; 69.
Bizarre kisses.
"Buddy!" He woke his roommate up, as I threw my shirt off. "It's time to go." Estella, the Eccentric, and I passed each other around until the Eccentric's roommate realized why he'd been woken. I walked over to his bed after being phased out of the threesome, anticipating a foursome. But I soon realized that we had been paired off. Feeling gypped, I got dressed and left.

24; 59.
Lovely kisses.
"Wait," I said as I snuck him out my window. "You can't leave without kissing me!" It was brief and awkward.

25; 41; 57.
Sexy kisses.
"I really need to get home before my parents get angry," she said.
"Wait." We kissed in the middle of the street, incinerating every nerve on my body. She moaned.
"No, but I really have to leave."
"Wait," I persisted. We continued. A few minutes later, I walked to my car, completely lightheaded. In the morning I found a text message from her:
"Come back!"